


All of our secrets.

by TheArtificialDane



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 07:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18545065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheArtificialDane/pseuds/TheArtificialDane
Summary: “I don’t think I can do this.”





	All of our secrets.

“You need to pee?”

Under normal circumstances, a question like that would not have gone anywhere except maybe to the bathroom for said pee to be done. It would have been a simple, but somewhat pleasant conversation between two drag queens who both knew the pain of being cinched, pinched and tucked, but with Vanjie, nothing was ever simple. Brooke had been dragged off the moment she had shaken her head no, Vanjie showing her into the nearest supply closet, slamming the door behind them, the other queen even putting a broomstick underneath the door handle, making sure no one could get in without a fair warning. 

“If this is about to become a sex thing, you really should have let me dedrag first.” Brooke was pretty sure it wouldn’t be a real problem if Vanjie truly had some fantasy of sex in a broom closet, but the drag she was wearing was really not convenient for a quick fuck in a closet. Brooke’s shoulders were covered in spikes, fringe hanging from the sleeves of her leather catsuit that only had a single zip in the back, Ra’Jah helping her into it since she couldn’t reach the zipper herself, and that was besides her corset and pads.

“I don’t think I can do this.” Vanjie looked up at Brooke, her lip between her teeth.

The light in the closet was dim, but Brooke could see the worry in her boyfriend’s energy, and if she was honest, she could feel it in herself. Brooke reached out, touching Vanjie’s shoulders, her denim jacket still on, her dirty blonde wig spilling down her shoulders.

“I know today hasn’t been ideal.” Brooke knew she was lying, at least somewhat. Calling the day less than ideal was the understatement of the decade. To be fair, the entire day had been a disaster. Brooke had shot darts while blinded, Honey had eaten cookies without her hands, Ariel had been humiliated in a pop quiz about world history.

“But you’ve done all of this before, remember?” VH1 had hosted them for the Season 11 RuVeal that was supposed to go up on Youtube, Aquaria doing her best with hosting a shitty situation, while Adam Rippon had just straight up bombed the entire day from start to end. “You’re Vanessa Vanjie Mateo. You can do anything.”

“I don’t mean the show.” Vanjie looked up at Brooke, her brown eyes filled with worry. “I mean this.” Vanjie gestured between them, and Brooke felt her blood run cold.

“What?”

“Us?”

VH1 had contacted both of them just after Christmas, reminding them of the contracts they had signed before they even started filming in June and July, before either of them had known what would happen between them, what real feelings would bloom in the entirely fake reality of Drag Race. 

“I don’t understand.”

Vanjie had raged against the gods, yelling and cursing with anger as the lawyers had informed her that she had to scrub her accounts and pretend to be single, but their NDAs were air tight. Neither of them allowed to say anything for, against or about their relationship.

“Jose, are you breaking up with me?”

“NO!” The yell was so loud Brooke was sure their sisters had heard it, Vanjie grabbing her hips, her fingers digging in. “No, no no no no no NO!”

“They’re gonna call security on you..” Brooke laughed, a short, crude sound, a few tears falling from her eyes that Vanjie immediately wiped away. “Again.” Vanjie’s interview with Adam had been one of the few high points of the day, Vanjie’s outrage at being called Vanessi the only thing that had made Brooke genuinely smile besides Nina helplessly trying to wrap a crew member in toilet paper and failing spectacularly at it.

“Those bitches can try.” Vanjie held Brooke’s chin, her thumb gently gliding over Brooke’s skin, petting her. “None of them hos can make me leave my man.”

Brooke felt her heart rate slow down, her breathing return to normal. 

“Sorry.” 

Brooke hated how much she cried, even if it was just a few tears here and there. Brooke had no idea yet how much of her anxiety that would actually make it on the show, the moments she had cried during her smoke breaks and the moments of pure panic where Nina had talked her down. Brooke had never expected to find anyone who not only understood her career and how that would always come first, but also understood how utterly and fucking damaged she was when it came to expressing her emotions. Brooke knew she had cold shell of detached professionalism that she slipped into when she needed to make it through the day. It had ruined more potential relationships than she could count, but Vanjie had somehow found her way behind every shield Brooke had put up, scaling every wall and hammering down every barrier without even realising it.

“I probably could have said it better. No,” Vanjie smiled, though her eyes were still sad, and Brooke felt her heart clench. “It’s not you boo, it’s this, it’s this whole fucked up situation.” Vanjie put her arms around Brooke’s waist, Brooke draping her own around Vanjie’s neck. “I don’t know how to act around you.”

Brooke had kept quite the entire way through, listening to Vanjie’s words. Brooke thought back on the day. Her live stream in the morning and how Vanjie had clung to her hoodie, her nails digging in as she had fired off a joke before making her escape quicker than Brooke could say bye. Vanjie had made eye contact during the runway walk, but now that Vanjie had pointed it out Brooke realised she hadn’t cheered anywhere near what she used to.

“I had to adjust my tuck cause you looked so fucking good and I just, I know that shit got caught on camera.”

Brooke snorted. 

“Bitch this isn’t funny!” Vanjie pushed Brooke, her hand slapping against her silicone titty, Brooke not feeling the hit at all. “What if I fuck it up somehow and you get in trouble.” Vanjie sighed. “What if my big mouth risks you the crown?”

Brooke knew she was top three, her, A’keria and Yvie sharing an even deeper bond than the other girls because they knew, their secret so much harder to bear, Yvie struggling so much with keeping it in that Brooke hadn’t even realised how much pressure Vanjie felt.

“We’ll make it. We will.” Brooke tugged on Vanjie’s earring, making the other smile, even though it was small. Brooke had expected to hear her own voice wavery, but to her surprise there was absolute confidence between each of her words. “I promise.”

They had sat together with their management, planning out tours and appearances, making sure they weren’t scheduled anywhere at the same time. They had decided to keep their public appearances to an absolute minimum, Vanjie better at keeping her head on straight online than she was in person, Brooke promising their management that she would do everything in her power to go online without spilling anything, while Vanjie had promised not to do Q&As at all, neither of them trusting her not to say something she wasn’t allowed to. Brooke had made sure she was booked with Nina as often as they could, Brooke sure her friend of over ten years could keep her head straight and make sure she kept her mouth shut even if Brooke got drunk. The surprise had been Silky offering, without any prompting, to share her Vacaya prize with Vanjie, the two of them planning an entire week in Hawaii to ‘get her sister away from the heat’. 

“We’ll make it. We have to.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration taken from the shit show edit of the Ruveal, and from Willams betadown where he points out Vanjie is adjusting her tuck while looking at Brooke.
> 
> Come find me on Tumblr @TheArtificialDane!


End file.
